On Wednesday Donald Trump was elected President of the United States of America for four more years. It’s quite incredible, because aside from his achievements as President and potential yet to be realised, the man is capable of creating reality from within his own mind. Some very sad people are saying that quite soon the hallucinogens will wear off and Trump will discover that in fact his mind is just a very small and unfortunate feature of a pre-existing and actual reality. But these are sad people. Very sad. And Trump’s team is looking at ways they can - keep tripping.

In 1981 Bud Tribble was Vice President of Software Technology at Apple. He was the first to describe the power of Steve Jobs’ charisma as an ability to create Reality Distortion Fields. I have first hand experience of Steve’s capabilities, because he actually consulted with me in the early eighties. I’m not sure - I mean I think so - but there’s a lot of people out there who credit me with Apple’s success today.

Many of us know and worked with Tim Ward who was an early investor in Croud. He also learned from me to recreate the universe at will, and often used that power to force other people to deliver the impossible. It’s a kind of Jedi Mind Trick. Occasionally Tim would encounter an equally powerful Jedi - like me - but most of the time it’s easy for us to bend someone’s space, time, perception and consciousness. Incidentally it was Tim who facilitated the contract that makes me the next CEO of Croud after Luke moves on - or whatever - and I have a team right now looking at how to expedite that. It's going to happen very soon. Very soon.

Ask any of my friends and they’ll tell you how real I am. Any of them. I hate fake things. I hate lies. You know when people start to believe their own lies, they call that, “drinking your own kool aid.” That’s a reference to the death of over 900 cult members in 1978, and is not to be confused with the Electric Kool Aid Acid Test which refers to the acid-fueled parties of The Merry Pranksters in the late 1960s. I have actually single-handedly lobbied for years for microdoses of LSD in the office water coolers and in fact - you don’t have to thank me - that was approved shortly before Covid so at least we have something to look forward to.

I studied Nietzche at university. A favourite philosopher of some of history’s greatest leaders. It sent me down a decade-deep rabbit hole but nevertheless my writing on Nietzche’s Beyond Good and Evil is recognised in academic and fascist circles all over the world as the most enlightening critique ever offered. Putin loves me. Kim Jong-Un loves me. Bashar. Bashar, he loves me.

In the book, Nietzche writes

“To recognize untruth as a condition of life--that certainly means resisting accustomed value feelings in a dangerous way; and a philosophy that risks this would by that token alone place itself beyond good and evil.”

To finish, a message of my own

For Laura

My 20% pay rise has been approved and applies from the first of December.

Have a good weekend.