I’ve mentioned at a Crouded House before that I bought a rowing machine in December. I’ve been using it a lot. This morning, though, I couldn’t find any gym shorts. I went to the toilet, mulled it over - considered a couple of options - and decided to row in a pair of floral knee-length swimming shorts.

And I thought, “that’s okay, they’re in case I fall in.”

I think this is perfectly normal. We play games and pretend to ourselves all the time. It might be for amusement, or motivation, or to distance yourself from stress.

My daughter - her name is Imogen - is three years old. Now I fully believe in attachment theory in parenting, which emphasises bonding and sympathy with your child. Actual parenting - in practice - however is very different from reading a book on attachment theory. When Imogen stubs her toe or accidentally eats a tiny bit of mustard, and starts screaming and crying - I’m confessing this now - I do quite often tell her to pretend it doesn’t hurt.

I might be raising a serial killer or a future leader of the free world. Or on the other hand, perhaps I’m raising someone who’ll be creative and resilient. Only time will tell.

So anyway, pretending. I did some google searches for phrases like, “we lie to ourselves,” and I thought I’d share my findings.

  • Pretending is a way to rehearse. In sport, Formula One drivers often practice for a track by sitting in a chair, holding a detached steering wheel out in front of them, and taking the corners - in their mind’s eye.
  • Shahram Heshmat Ph.D. writes in Psychology Today that “False beliefs can satisfy important psychological needs of the individual” such as “confidence in one's own abilities.”
  • And Robert Trivers, who’s an anthropology professor at Rutgers, wrote that an executive who talks themselves into believing they are a great public speaker may not only feel better as they perform, but also increase "how much they fool people, by having a confident style that persuades people that they’re good." It seems far fetched, but there we go.
  • A 2010 study in the journal Child Development Perspectives finds that as early as age 3, children have what researchers call a "positivity bias,” which is a tendency to see themselves as smart regardless of their abilities. I definitely have this problem with Imogen - despite my parenting - and she gets it from her mother.

My distance on the rower this morning, by the way, was nothing special. It’s because I couldn’t hear the gentle, rhythmic lapping of blades into the water, and I wasn’t surrounded by seven other athletic men, and the cox of course! Instead… I was composing this week’s edition of Kevin’s Corner.

Have a good weekend.